I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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