Where is the hickey?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
