Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am naked and annoyed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize