i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
