I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
