took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize