I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
