No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was confusing and full of hummus
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
