Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
