i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
