Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
