I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
