I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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