My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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