I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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