dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
