That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
