i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
