...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry about my life...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
