This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
