Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
