We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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