Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
