Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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