just tell him i said nine months
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
