did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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