i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
