chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
