brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My breasts were aching with rage.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
