I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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