When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My balls are so social today.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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