You can't special order awesome
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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