Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
