you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
