I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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