My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
