apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
