and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
