your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
