Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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