I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
