I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
