Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
