My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
