Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
