Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
