This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love you. Go after that dick
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