Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
4 words: hood of his car
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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