he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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