she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
