haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
