i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
