im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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