also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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