and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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