no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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