dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
