i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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