Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
