i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
