So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
