rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
