You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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