im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
