He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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