I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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