i need an iv and a liver transplant
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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