so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
