i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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