How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
