Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
