so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
