took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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