Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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