Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
