Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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