Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
