I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
